Chua Kok Yee's short story in SELANGOR TIMES

For those of you who didn't get a copy, the second issue of Selangor Times features a new short story by Chua Kok Yee. If you like it, get his book Without Anchovies.

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Half A Chicken And A Quarter Of A Cow

Fiction by Chua Kok Yee

Colin was standing over the sink with a knife in his hand. He looked down and realised his shirt was smeared with blood. With a shriek, he dropped the knife and turned around. On the kitchen table, a severed chicken head was engaged in a conversation with a cow’s head. The clucking and mooing became louder and louder, until Colin had to press his palms against his ears.

“I screamed at them to stop, and then I woke up,” Colin said. He lets out a sigh, and slumps back to the couch. Jonathan, his friend, was seated across him.

“Do you think it’s because of the job? My boss is crazy, and maybe the insanity is catching.”

Jonathan looked at him, but said nothing. Colin’s boss, Mr Wong, was one of the richest persons in Asia. After visiting a temple on his 60th birthday, Mr Wong handpicked a group of accountants from his companies, including Colin, to work in a special project under him. Colin was exhilarated at the prospect of working directly with the tycoon, but the excitement turned into incredulity after the first briefing.

Mr Wong wanted a big surplus in his ‘karma account’ to ensure he would have a good ending to his current life, and enough positive karma to carry forward to the next. He decided to compensate for any bad karma he has earned, and would receive, in the only way he knew; in dollars and cents.

The project team was split into two groups. The first group was assigned to put monetary values on the negative things Mr Wong had done in the past, and make a monthly recommendation of donation amount to be made to organisations. The job involved a lot of research and interviews to reconstruct Mr Wong’s life history.

Wouldn’t it be easier if you just donate a really huge amount, sir? Surely, that would cover everything, someone asked Mr Wong at the briefing. Mr Wong explained that excessive money would lead to sinful thoughts among the recipients, which in turn would bring more negative karma to him.

So the amount has to be measured and reasonably accurate, Mr Wong explained, before firing that guy on the spot. Later, he donated the fired guy’s two years’ salary to a charity, of course.

Colin was assigned to the second group which was responsible for the present. They had to discreetly observe Mr Wong, and place a value on his deed. After brainstorming and debating, the team agreed on a measurement system by using a karma factor. The karma factor was in proportion to the negativity of the deed. If Mr Wong purchased a chicken wing and ate it, the value would be the price of the wing multiplied by the karma factor of one. However, if he stole the wing and ate it, the karma factor would be increased to three.

Despite the ludicrousness of the endeavour, Colin actually enjoyed the first few weeks on the job. He had all-expenses paid visits to New York, Amsterdam and Monaco along with his boss, and the salary was good. Furthermore it was not as stressful as his previous position; all he had to do during his shift was to record Mr Wong’s actions, review them and assign a value to it. Someone in the office would compile them, and give out the appropriate donation at the end of each month.

Good life, easy money.

Then the nightmares started. There were a few variations to the theme, but always with a lot of blood and chatty dead animals. Once, he dreamt of soaking in a bathtub filled with blood with a swine. The beast, with half of its body roasted, was espousing the merits of socialism.

“I’ve a theory,” Jonathan said.

Colin turned towards Jonathan, and raised his eyebrows.

“How do you measure the value if your boss orders a huge steak, or half a roasted chicken?”

“That’s easy - I’ll use their prices on the menu, and multiply them by karma factor of one.”

“I believe here is where you got it wrong. You can’t just take the price of the food. The bad karma in this case comes from the loss of lives. Half a chicken is one dead chicken, and a quarter of a cow is still one slaughtered cow. So you have undervalued them.”

Colin thought about it for awhile, before nodding. “Thus I’m receiving bad vibes from them? It’s karma.”

The two of them sat there in silence. “You could be right,” Colin said after awhile. “Who really understand how this karma things really works, right?

Fiction in SELANGOR TIMES

There's a brand-new newspaper in the country, Selangor Times. It's a weekly (available every Friday) with a circulation of 100,000. It's so new that its website is not even up yet -- but you can read a news report about it in theSun here.

It's a free newspaper; the first issue was given out yesterday at all LRT stations in Selangor, and is now completely gone. There weren't enough copies to be sent to 7-Eleven stores, but I am told this will be rectified by the time the next issue is out. 

This paper has me particularly psyched because it is now the only regular venue for Malaysian fiction in English. All the main Malay papers have published short stories and even serial novels for decades, but fiction has so far been absent from the oghe putih press. Why? Because English has been complacently assumed to be merely a utilitarian, upwardly-mobile device rather than a language that you can embrace, tickle and otherwise get naughty with.

I was initially approached by the editor to write a column, but I think there are already so many hand-wringing columns about The State of the Nation; what's the point of adding to the chatter? So I proposed instead a Fiction section. My own short story *ahem* is the first to be published. Click to enlarge!

Subsequent issues will use stories that other people send in. Do email the Chief Editor Chan Kok Leong at editor@selangortimes.com Length should be 800 words, and the target audience is, well, anyone in Selangor today. Yes, there is pay!

I'm a fan of movie posters, but I have never seen one quite like this

Is this the first movie poster in the history of the universe which features no cast members, but instead TWO pictures of its rather flamboyant producer? (That's also him right at the top, in a chair.)

Well, it's certainly better than the first poster for this movie, which was marred by an unfortunate act of plagiarism.

I have not seen the movie yet and so will not comment.

There will be many people Googling the movie's title and the producer's name in the next few days, to see if he will reach his oft-brayed box-office target. But, blushing little wallflower that I am, I am not gonna mention the title and his name.

Hello there, Luang Prabang!

I'm trying not to accept so many film festival invitations (oh, you should hear how some of them beg and beg!), what with me now being a book publisher and all. But I've never been to Laos, so I didn't want to turn this one down. (And it's not just because I'm a fan of the Dr. Siri Paiboun crime novels.)

Luang Prabang itself, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, promises to be a beaut!

Laos has no film industry to speak of but I admire the effort the organisers took to come up with this inaugural, albeit low-key, event. Contrast that with the slapstick dodginess of the well-sponsored Kuala Lumpur International Film Festival (which was supposed to take place this month but just got postponed, apparently). Everyone involved in KLIFF should really be ashamed of themselves -- but since its organisers include a certain Malaysian filmmaker who has a habit of never paying his crew members, I don't suppose they're the kind to embarrass easily.

Postal orders for ISLAM IN MALAYSIA: PERCEPTIONS & FACTS

Islam in Malaysia: Perceptions & Facts is the translation of Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin's book Mengemudi Bahtera Perubahan Minda. The translation and annotations were by U-En Ng.

The synopsis begins: 

While still in his 30s, Dr. Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin, former Mufti of Perlis, earned a reputation as a popular, and sometimes controversial, public intellectual on the subject of Islam in Malaysia. This collection of his articles seeks to identify and celebrate the true Islamic essence of simplicity, rationality and justice; and to separate it from superstition, prejudice and taklid (blind adherence) to self- serving 'religious' leaders.

At 343 pages, this is the second-thickest publication by Matahari Books (after 120 Malay Movies, which is 432 pages). You may download 3 of the 47 chapters as a free PDF at the end of this link here.

The bad news is that the main bookshops will only stock this book at the end of the month; they're still making up their minds. The good news is that you may order it right now! 

Here are the four methods:

1. Bank in RM40 to Maybank 014105120512 (Amir Muhammad) and email info@mataharibooks.com with your proof of payment, your address and phone number. Delivery will be by City-Link courier, three times a week. (Free delivery anywhere in Malaysia.) 10% of the proceeds from this postal order will be donated to the MERCY Malaysia - Yasmin Ahmad Fund for Children. You may also, of course, order any of the other books in the Matahari Books catalogue as well, while you're at it!

2. Order directly from the distributor, Gerakbudaya, here.

3. Get it in person at Silverfish Books in Bangsar.

4. Pre-order on Amazon.com here.

This is totally different from the other Matahari Books titles so far. For one, it's a compilation from a newspaper column (his articles originally appeared in Mingguan Malaysia); but since these are newly translated, with over a hundred extra footnotes and a Glossary, it is a venture very much worthwhile. 

The subject of Islam in Malaysia (the title of the book came from the author, who politely declined my own suggestion, What the Mufti Saw) will grow in size and importance in the coming years, and this book will, I hope, be part of the discussion. I certainly learned a few things from it, and although his world-view is essentially more, shall we say, traditional than mine, I admire the way he can cut through the racialised, culture-bound and divisive BS that so often obfuscates popular Islamist discourse here. Just read the 3 sample chapters and you will get what I mean.

I will also be posting on Twitter a few dozen self-contained extracts from the book, so stay tuned!

My 12 favourite local movie posters of the past decade

Restricted to movies that were commercially released here. 

I also picked only the posters used for the Malaysian release; for example, I much prefer the international festival poster of Sell Out? to what was used in Malaysia and Singapore. 

I have also modestly not included the posters of movies in which I served as director or producer -- although anyone can tell you that the ones for Susuk and Punggok Rindukan Bulan are bloody brilliant.

Also my nominee for Best Tagline:
"Love. Despair. Love. Despair."

Tagline goes on 2 words too long!

Pity about that horrible GSC logo.

Pity I don't have a clearer image of this;
  it captures the Gila-Gila aesthetic so well.

Those are the 12. A special mention goes to:

Why only Special Mention? Because I initially quite liked it, and then I saw this!

Nominees for Best Poster, the most important category of Festival Filem Malaysia

Which is your favourite? Mine would be Belukar.